Fussy Eaters: Why Your Child Isn't "Difficult" and How We Can Help Them Enjoy Food Again
- Marion Robreteau
- Jul 18
- 6 min read
If you have a fussy eater at home, I want you to know something first:
You are not failing and your child is not being difficult on purpose.
As a mum, a nutritionist and someone who has spent years working as a chef preparing meals for up to 60 children in a daycare setting, I have seen every type of eater imaginable. The child who only eats plain pasta. The one who refuses anything green. The child who happily eats a food one week and suddenly decides they hate it the next.
If this sounds familiar, take a deep breath. It is much more common than you think.
Why are some children so fussy with food?
Children are naturally cautious with new foods. From an evolutionary point of view, this actually protected young children from eating something unsafe.
For some children, this phase passes quickly. For others, it can last much longer and be influenced by many factors such as:
Their personality and temperament
Sensory sensitivities to textures, smells or colours
Previous negative experiences with food
Developmental stages
Feeling pressure around mealtimes
Many parents tell me:
"I have tried everything."
"He used to eat vegetables, and now he won't touch them."
"I end up cooking three different dinners every night."
I hear you. Mealtimes can become exhausting, frustrating and emotionally draining.
One of the biggest mistakes? Too much pressure.
As parents, we naturally worry. We want our children to eat enough nutrients and grow well.
But sometimes, without realising it, our worry turns into pressure.
"Just one bite."
"You won't get dessert unless you eat your vegetables."
"Look, your brother is eating it."
Although these comments come from a place of love, they can sometimes make children even more resistant.
Eating should feel safe and enjoyable, not stressful.
The more pressure children feel, the less likely they are to listen to their hunger cues or become curious about new foods.
Exposure is more powerful than forcing
One thing I learned very quickly while working in daycare is that children often need many opportunities before accepting a new food.
I have seen children refuse cucumber for months and then suddenly start eating it because another child at the table enjoyed it.
Children learn by watching.
Sometimes the goal is not to make them eat the food.
Sometimes the goal is simply:
Having the food on their plate
Touching it
Smelling it
Licking it
Helping prepare it
These are all positive steps.
Trying new foods is a journey, not a race.
Get children involved in the kitchen
This is probably one of my favourite strategies.
As a chef, I have always believed that children are much more connected to food when they have participated in preparing it.
Children who help:
Wash vegetables
Stir ingredients
Sprinkle cheese
Choose produce at the supermarket
Pick herbs from the garden
are often much more open to tasting those foods.
It does not mean they will suddenly love broccoli overnight but it creates familiarity and removes some of the fear around new foods.
Food becomes something fun rather than something they are being forced to eat.
Change the way you present food
Presentation can make a huge difference.
Over the years, I have found that many children respond better when foods are presented differently.
A carrot may be rejected when served cooked but happily eaten raw.
A sandwich may be refused but become exciting when cut into shapes.
Vegetables can become more appealing when served with dips, added into homemade muffins or included in fun platters.
Sometimes small changes can completely change a child's willingness to explore food.
Family meals matter
Children learn by watching us.
If they constantly hear adults saying:
"I don't like vegetables."
or
"I'm on a diet."
they absorb these messages.
Try to create relaxed family mealtimes where everyone eats together when possible.
Talk about your day, laugh and enjoy being together.
The less attention placed on what your child is eating, the less stressful meals often become.
Be mindful of always offering a second meal
This can be a difficult one for many parents because naturally, we do not want our children to go hungry.
However, one thing I have often observed, both as a mum and while cooking for children in daycare is that children learn routines very quickly.
If a child knows that refusing dinner will automatically lead to toast, cereal, nuggets or another preferred food appearing shortly afterwards, there is very little motivation to explore what is already on their plate.
Over time, this can unintentionally create a habit where children refuse foods immediately because they are waiting for the "safe" option to come next.
It can also create more opportunities for negotiating, arguing and mealtime stress:
"I don't like it."
"Can I have something else?"
"I want pasta instead."
This does not mean forcing children to eat foods they genuinely dislike or making mealtimes a battle. Instead, try to offer at least one familiar or accepted food alongside new foods and trust your child to decide what and how much they eat.
For example, if you are serving a new chicken casserole, you could also include some bread, rice or another food your child usually enjoys.
The message becomes:
"This is tonight's meal and there is something here for everyone."
Keeping calm and consistent can help reduce power struggles around food and gradually encourage children to become more comfortable seeing and eventually trying new foods.
Of course, every child is different. Some children with significant sensory challenges or medical conditions such as ARFID may require a more individualised approach and additional support.
Remember, the goal is not to create perfectly behaved eaters. The goal is to create a relaxed environment where children can slowly build confidence around food without pressure, fear or daily battles at the dinner table.
Progress does not look perfect
One of the biggest lessons I have learned from working with children is that progress is often very small.
A child touching a new food for the first time is progress.
A child allowing broccoli to stay on their plate is progress.
A child licking a strawberry after refusing fruit for months is progress.
These little wins matter.
We often focus so much on what our children are not eating that we forget to celebrate how far they have already come.
Trust the process
Most children will not eat perfectly every day.
Some days they seem to survive on air and crackers, while other days they eat everything in sight.
This is normal.
Our role as parents is not to force food.
Our role is to continue offering opportunities, creating positive experiences and trusting that, with time and support, children can learn to become more confident eaters.
You do not have to do this alone
If mealtimes have become stressful, if you feel anxious every day about what your child is eating or if you simply do not know where to start anymore, please know that you are not alone.
As a nutritionist, a mum and someone who has spent years cooking for and supporting children, I understand how emotional fussy eating can be for families.
Together, we can find practical strategies that suit your child, reduce stress around meals and help your family rebuild confidence with food.
Because feeding children should not feel like a daily battle.
It should feel like connection, learning and small steps forward.
And sometimes, all you need is someone to guide you through it.
When fussy eating may be more than just a phase
While fussy eating is extremely common in childhood, there are times when eating difficulties may be linked to something more than typical picky eating.
Some children experience significant sensory sensitivities, anxiety around food, or medical conditions that make eating much more challenging.
One condition that is becoming more recognised is ARFID (Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder), (Centre for Clinical Interventions, 2023).
Unlike typical fussy eating, children with ARFID are not simply refusing foods because they are being difficult or going through a phase. Their food restrictions can be so significant that they may affect growth, nutrition, social situations, or family life.
Children with ARFID may:
Have an extremely limited list of accepted foods.
Become distressed or anxious around new foods.
Avoid foods because of textures, smells, colours, or fear of choking or vomiting.
Struggle to eat enough variety to meet their nutritional needs.
This does not mean that every fussy eater has ARFID. In fact, most children with selective eating habits do not.
However, if mealtimes are causing significant stress, your child is avoiding entire food groups, losing weight, showing signs of nutritional deficiencies, or their eating habits are affecting daily life, it may be worthwhile seeking professional support.
As someone who works closely with families, I believe it is important that parents feel heard and supported rather than blamed. Every child has their own relationship with food, and sometimes they simply need a different approach and a little extra guidance.
The good news is that support is available, and early guidance can make a big difference. If you are concerned that your child's eating habits seem more extreme than typical fussy eating, speak with your GP or health professional for further advice.
For more information, the WA Department of Health has an excellent information sheet on ARFID that explains the signs and available support.
References
Western Australian Centre for Clinical Interventions. (2026). Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID) Information Sheet. WA Department of Health.
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